Breakdown
by Balko94
Summary: Takes place after countdown. Castle turns to an old friend for comfort. After getting himself into a really bad mental state, this friend decides that it's time to act.


**This takes place the evening after "Countdown". I hate that episode, not really because of the ending, I already forsaw that but for the shitty and completly unrealistic story. This is one of the episodes why I don't longer watch the show, even if I have stopped after season four. When Marlowe or somebody else from ABC is reading this (I know they probably won't): Better cases, real storylines that get several episodes per season, episodes for all minor characters (the last two were seemingly about Espo when I read it correctly, which is a step in the right direction), less Alexis (mostly because Molly is a great audio actress, I love what she can do with her voice, but a shitty video actress, she only has three or four expressions she can actually play) and real romances, all over the net I read that isn't really happing anymore since several episodes. One or two without is okay but not to lack it for several ones. Oh yeah, no jump from one episode to another without the previous one having an effect on the behavior of the characters in the next one. And don't break Caskett up, after just getting them together. That was the real Moonlighting curse, not the getting them together, but breaking them up again nearly immediately. When you got all of that, I may come back and several other viewers who left the show too.**

**Disclaimer:** **I own nothing besides the character of Steve, the rest belongs to the ABC studios.**

Castle sat in a bar and already drank his second beer when his friend Steve, a man of 6' 1'' height with black hair and in a pink polo shirt. Steven seated himself on the stool next to Rick's and ordered a beer for himself. "What did you wanted to talk about?", her asked his friend.

"It's about Beckett", said Castle with trace of regret in his voice.

Steve suspected nothing good, the last time Rick talked with this sound in his voice about his partner it was the day before he traveled to the Hamptons with Gina. "What's with her?"

"Out latest case was pretty intense and we, well, I actually got the impression that maybe there were really something more between us, you know, like I told you before Josh came back. After the case and the third near death experience in two days I decided to ask her out on a date." He stopped.

"And she said no?", asked Steve.

Castle shook his head. "No, I didn't asked her out at all."

Steve's eyes winded in surprise. "Why?"

"Josh appeared before I could", Rick explained before taking the next sip of his beer.

Steve took one of his own before he decided what to say. "And now you think you was mistaken when you thought that there was something between you?", he asked cautious.

Castle nodded. "Yeah, how couldn't I?"

Steve shook his head. "I remember we already had this conversation already once, last may, remember?"

"Yeah and seemingly I haven't learned anything at all since then, I only fall further in love with her."

Castle emptied his bottle and ordered another one. "How many of these you already had?", Steve asked him.

"Three."

"That's enough, you won't try to drown your sorrow in alcohol", he countered and ordered the barkeeper to cancel the order. Castle wasn't really happy about this decision. "And you neither will ran away with one of your ex-wives again, do you understand?"

"And why I shouldn't? Kate seemingly doesn't want me and I can't do anything about it. It's Demming all over again, when not even worse."

"How could it be worse?"

"This time she seems even happier", Castle answered sorrowful.

"You don't think about fighting for her?"

Castle laughed deprecatingly. "I did, both times and I lost both times." A tear rolled down his right cheek. "Why I had to fall in love with her? Why can't she love me back? Why I just can't fall in love with a woman who loves me back just as I love her?" Now Rick really began to cry.

Steve patted him on his back. He gave the barkeeper a sign to pay and afterward they left the bar. Steve called his friend a cab. "You shall drive home and sleep about everything."

"I probably won't be capable of sleeping. I'll always see her and how happy she's with Josh", Rick argued.

"Or maybe not. You should sleep."

Castle just shook his head. "It's also even worse than than back then with Demming."

"You already said that", Steve pointed out.

"I don't mean that I mean that Josh is even more like an actual superman than Demming was."

"And still she left him."

"Yeah probably for this perfect surgeon", Rick snorted with anger.

Steve just rolled his eyes and forced his old friend in the next cab, that stopped for them. He gave the driver the address of Castle's loft and ordered him to not stop till they where there. Steve himself made his mind up to clear a question he long wanted to be cleared.

* * *

As Demming came home from his shift at the precinct, he didn't realized that there was something off in his apartment. Not until he switched the light on. Steve sat in a armchair in his living room and just starred at him. "Who are you?", asked the detective surprised and grabbed for his gun.

Steve grinned. "You won't need your gun or anything else. I'm not here to steal anything or to kidnap you or something else illegal", he promised.

"Besides breaking into my apartment", Demming commentated Steve's statement.

Steve himself just shrugged his shoulders. "I needed to surprise you."

"Why?"

"Because I want you to know that I'm good."

"Why?"

"Because I want to ask you one simple question and I want an honest answer."

"Or what?"

"Or you'll deeply regret it." The expression in Steven's face had changed from slightly relaxed and playful to cold blooded and dangerous.

Deeming had to swallow hard. "Okay, what do you want to know?"

"Why did you break up with Detective Beckett one year ago?" Demming looked at him inquiring. "I just want an answer to that question and I won't question any of your questions."

Steve had made his point clear so now it was time for Demming to decide if he wanted to play a dangerous game or just follow the rules. One thing was for sure: The guy who was currently sitting in his living room wasn't a guy you trick out very easily and who probably would put up a very good fight. "She broke up with me."

"Why?"

"She said that I wasn't what she needed but I knew she did it to be with somebody else."

"Whom?" Steve had the bad feeling that the name was Josh Davidson.

"Rick Castle." Demming spoke the name with disgust. The never really liked Castle, civilians had no place on the force in his eyes and that guy had been a competition for Kate, not a great competition, at least not for long, but in the end, he stole her away from him.

Steve was taken by surprise by this answer. "When did this happened?"

"The Friday before Memorial Day."

"Thank you." Steve rose from the armchair and left the apartment. He hadn't suspected this. Beckett really left her boyfriend, who really was a great guy and near perfection (he checked on him as soon as he heard Rick's endless complains about him for the first time), for Rick and he hooked up with Gina just the same day probably just a few hours prior the break up, to forget his heart broken feelings about Kate. _Why he just couldn't have listen to me back then?_, Steve asked himself. Than his phone rang. It was Rick. "What's up?"

"I saw 'em."

"Are you drunk?"

"Yeah."

"Where are you?"

"At the loft."

"I'll come over." Steve ended the call and rushed over to the loft. The sight he found there was heart breaking for him: His best friend sat at his desk, his hair tousled, his eyes sunken in and with an hunted expression at his face, in front of him stood a nearly empty bottle whiskey and a glass full of it. "What happened?"

"I saw 'em."

"Whom?"

"Kate and Motorcycle-Boy. They were at a restaurant and they kissed. They looked so happy." Rick began to cry. Steve fought with himself. Should he tell him, that he screwed up his chance with Beckett last summer? Before he could decided himself to do what was right, Rick took matters in his own hands. "Why it can't be between us as it was between Julia and you after you met again?"

"You were there, you should know that that isn't anything you should wish for."

"At least you both knew that there was only the other one for you and nobody else. You both knew that one day you'd end up together. With Kate and me it was always complicated and now I know that we'll never end up together. I probably never stood a chance."

"And why you shouldn't?"

"Look at me. She's dating Superman, two times in a row now and I'm just Clark Kent, the guy who writes about Superman."

"Do I have to remind you of the thing we did after I lost my job?", Steve asked angrily.

"That was a long time ago", Castle argued.

"And it still happened. You saved lives just like this Davidson and you shouldn't forget that!" Steve got even angrier.

"But what does it matter? We can't tell anyone, can't we? We moved in the gray area between legal and illegal nearly all the time and when we didn't we were nearly almost in the illegal area."

Steve rolled his eyes. "So Demming and Josh are Superman 'cause they are doing good things and are saving lives in legal ways, right?" Castle nodded slowly, not really sure where his friend was going with this. "We did it in not so legal ways, when we continue to use super hero metaphors what does this make us?" Castle didn't answer instead he just looked at the floor. "The Bat-Team. And when I remember right we always agreed that they were the greatest of all superheros because they had no powers at all."

"It's not like I could ever tell Beckett, she'd arrest me immediately" Castle muttered.

"Stop this self-pity it doesn't suit you!", Steve barked.

"And what else should I do, eh? The woman I love, the love of my life doesn't love me, probably never felt anything for me that goes behind friendship and I was more than once dump enough to think differently. How else I should I behave?"

Steve was pissed, he was really pissed. He didn't know if he should be pissed in Rick for giving himself up so easily or at Beckett, who he didn't even knew in person, for destroying the man who was like a brother for him. "Do you know when she broke up with Demming?" Castle looked at him inquiring. "The day you went away with Gina for you, you idiot. She wanted to be with you. I told you to wait but your great ego got in the way like nearly all the time. Why can't you just be like the time when we worked together, when you could behave like a normal human being without a bursting ego! Back then you would have had a reason for it but afterward you hadn't really one and now your ego is so big that you can barley look besides it!"

"Take that back!" Castle shouted in anger.

"Why I should? You know it's true. I told you that just running in the arms of the next best woman wasn't a solution. But you did it anyway because your ego was hurt and your poker buddies told you to do so. When you'd have listen to me, we wouldn't stand here right now. You would probably lie in your bed with Beckett right now and I'd be at home with my wife and my children. You had your chance with her but you threw it away."

"You let it sound like it was completely my fault." Rick tried to keep his voice steady but he could. Tears began to stream down his cheeks and you could hear the shiver in his voice.

"It wasn't, Beckett is also guilty for not admitting to herself that she wanted you and not Demming and made the decision to late. You're both guilty. Maybe you threw away your chance to be with her back then and maybe you'll never get a second one but maybe you'll get one and you just can't give up on this hope when you really love her!"

Rick really began to cry now. "I think I already had at least two more chances", he admitted. Steve stared at him with big surprised eyes. "Maybe even three. The night I broke up with Gina and we both got drunken, I broke the evening off before we, I could do something stupid. The next time after I saved her life from Lockwood and we flirted wildly with each other I declined her offer to drive me home or to come home with her and got myself a cab. And finally when we were in the hazmat tent yesterday and she told me what she wanted in her life what she expected from he perfect boyfriend."

"You were in a hazmat tent? God what a case did you got?"

"A group of domestic terrorist wanted to blow up Manhattan with a dirty bomb." Steve was shocked. "I defused the bomb by ripping out every single wire."

"You gotta be kidding me, right?", Steve asked in disbelieve.

Castle shook his head. "No, not at all."

"Julia would smack you know for something that stupid, you know that, right?"

"Yeah but I only had one second to decided."

"In that case I'm more than glad that you decided that way."

"Thanks."

It got quiet again. "What did she told you in the hazmat tent?" Steve asked out of nowhere.

"That she wanted a boyfriend on whom she could rely on, who was always there for her, whom she could trust, with whom she could just dive into something real. She looked at me with an expression as if she was hoping that I would say, that I could be that guy." The tone of deep regret ruled Castle's voice as he recalled what happened in the tent just the prior day.

"Why didn't you?"

"I was a coward and just as I made my mind up to say it, a technician came in and told us that we could go." It got silent again. Than Rick began to cry. "And after we nearly froze to death just a few hours later Josh came back, he canceled his flight to Africa for her and she gave him a second chance a chance to dive into a real relationship with him instead of me." He couldn't longer stop his tears. Steve went around the desk and took him into his arms. There was nothing was he could do, Castle had a mental breakdown. After Rick finally cried himself into sleep, Steve got him into his bed. Before he left, he grabbed Rick's cell and send himself the number of Beckett.

After Steve left he loft he dialed the number. Beckett got the phone nearly immediately. "Beckett", she said. She sounded frustrated as if he had interrupted her with something. He had a pretty good idea by what. He heard a male voice in the background, which said something like: "Great the first time in days we could get intimate and then somebody has to interrupt again. Is this the stupid partner of yours?" Beckett was probably standing right next to him. "Shut up", was all she said, pretty pissed. "Who is there?", she asked, probably after putting a little bit distance between her and her boyfriend.

"Did I interrupted something?", Steve asked curiously.

"No, eh, nothing."

"Did you and your boyfriend were just making out?"

Beckett didn't answer at first. "Yeah", she hissed. "Who are you?"

"Steve Winters, I'm a friend of Rick Castle."

He heard how Beckett's breathed in sharply. "Did something happened to him?", she asked concerned.

Steve weighed if the should tell her the truth or not. "He had a mental breakdown."

"Oh my god." Beckett was shocked. "How is he, where is he?"

"He is okay and he is at home."

"Shall I come over?"

"No, I'd like to speak with you in private."

"Okay", Beckett said hesitant. "Where?"

"The Old Haunt. In twenty minutes." He hang up with these words.

Beckett was pretty puzzled. She got her things together and told Josh to go and not to wait for her at his place. "Kate, what happened?"

"It's Castle, he, he got a breakdown, probably the last case. That was a friend of him, I, I got to go", she told him and rushed out of the door.

* * *

Steve sat in a private booth of the Old Haunt. When Beckett came into the bar, the barkeeper, who already knew her, showed her directly off to Steve. "Hey, I'm Steve", he said.

"Beckett." They shook hands. "What happened."

"I know Rick since boarding school we were both 14 when we both met us the first time", he began and Beckett had no idea what he was talking about. She wanted to know how her partner was. "I saw him going to pretty hard times like the time when Kyra left him for Europe or Meredith cheated on him and ran away with her lover, leaving him and their daughter behind." Okay, that was new, at least for Kate: She didn't knew that Meredith cheated on him. "Both times he got his heart broken, but he got over it. He drank a little bit more than usual and was an even greater wise-cracking ass as usual. But how he is now, I never saw him like that before. The only time that gets near to it are the two months in his life before he met you."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"He loves you Kate, he loves you deeply, since a long time." Kate just stared at the man on the other side of the booth, in shock. "When he looked into your mother's murder and you kicked him out of your life, did you really think he just tried to get into your good grace again to get into your pants?" Kate didn't had an answer for that because she never thought about it before. "No, he did it because he liked you and I already saw back than that he was falling for you. He probably didn't realized it till the next winter. But he realized it and he tried everything to show it to you and the only thing he got was a cold shoulder."

"Moment what?"

"He spend 10.000 Dollar to find your mother's murderer, he ran in a burning building for you, even prior to that he could get himself to accept a deal about writing a series of James Bond novels, his great dream, or to continue with Nikki Heat and with that still have an excuse for following you around. He also stopped to sleep around at this time."

"Sure", Beckett snored.

"He did. After you forgave him he slept with two women; one a few days afterward and Ellie Monroe after he did all these things for you and you didn't showed him any sing of returning feelings." Beckett wanted to protest, but Steve stopped her. "Don't even try, we both know you didn't. Then Demming came along and you nearly immediately began to date him. While Rick still had the hope of a possible relationship with you. He probably hoped that you really would feel the same for him, so he didn't tell Demming to keep away from you or that he had already a thing for you, when he asked. He was so confident that you two would eventually end up together, that he didn't even thought about the possibility of losing you to another man. Imagine his hurt when he found out he did and that he made himself to an even greater fool as usual for nothing the previous days by griping for his last lifeline in hope to get to you, without knowing that he had already lost you." Beckett felt his eyes began to fill with tears. Not only because she realized what she had done to Rick but also because she saw the hurt in Steve's face. "When he saw you two kissing, a world broke down for him."

"He saw us kissing?"

"Yeah. A few days later he made his last attempt of getting to you by inviting you to the Hamptons. His heart broke when he found out that you lied to him because you and Demming were serious. Do you remember what you told him back than?"

Beckett recalled that day in her mind. "I told him that I didn't told him because I didn't want to make things awkward", she whispered.

"For him it was you telling him, that you knew that he had a real thing for you but that you didn't really care. That you maybe cared enough about him for not hurting his feeling but that you didn't feel the same way. When we talked that night he looked so broken just as broken as he looked after Kyra left him. His stupid writer-poker-buddies already planted the idea of running of with another woman in his mind and I couldn't stop him anymore. He was hurt, he was broken, his ego just couldn't bear the idea of you and Demming spending a happy romantic weekend together and he would've to spend it alone without anyone. He made the greatest mistake of his life by asking Gina to come with him and he regretted it deeply. Not only after they got really in trouble, again, but this evening, this evening he regret this decision more than any other decision he ever made in regard to a relationship before."

"Why?"

Steve didn't answer. "When Rick returned, he didn't wanted to call you, he feared you would reject him that you'd be happy with Demming and he just didn't wanted to see that. But when he found out that you two broke up, he promised to himself to get back into your good grace and not to screw it up this time. Then Josh entered the picture and after he found out that he was a doctor, Rick disgusted him even more than Demming 'cause he was even more perfect. He eventually broke up with Gina after realizing that he only wanted to be with you and again he did everything man-possible to show you what he feels and he though you would copy these feelings at least for the time while Josh was in Africa."

Beckett felt the first tears running down her cheeks. She really broke Castle's heart and that more than ones. "Why only in this time?"

"Because you flirted back, you let him deeper into your life than ever before but as soon he returned he was just again your partner, another friend, maybe your best friend but nothing more." Steve inhaled a deep breath. "At your last case, he told me he thought again that you two had a chance together. He told me, that you two were in a hazmat tent together and that you told him how you would imagine your perfect boyfriend. He wanted to offer to you to be that man. After the case was closed he made up his mind to ask you out, to finally tell you how he felt, but your boyfriend turned up and everything was ruined."

"Is that the reason why he had a breakdown?", Beckett asked with a small and broken voice.

Steven shook his hand. "I talked to your ex, Demming, after a discussion with Rick at a bar. I had to send him home and then I drove to Demming. He told my, why you left him. Rick called me then, he had seen you and Josh at a restaurant and how happy you were. He was broken and he was never that broken before. We fought an I let slip, what Demming had told me. Now he blames everything on himself. He blames himself for ruining any chance for you two. He thinks that you found your one and only with Josh now, just after he realized that you are his one and only." It got silent, just like back then at the loft. "You left Demming for Rick right?"

"Yeah". Beckett felt as if she could began to cry just right and then without even carrying what the other guests would think of her.

"Because you love him?" Beckett didn't answer. "Did you left Demming because you were in love with Rick?"

"Yeah." Beckett got nearer and nearer to her own mental breakdown.

"Do you still love him?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know what you did to Rick?" Beckett didn't answer. "You broke him. I saw people that broken, they lost their believes everything. I saw deeply religious Christs and Muslims losing their believe and they just look the same. Rick never believed in god, but he believed in fate, justice, soul mates, true love and the universe. He will lose this all. And right now I don't know to whom a shall be more mad about, you for breaking him or him for being so blindsided by his ego that he couldn't take a defeat and to let his wounds heal before moving on."

Now Beckett really began to cry. She destroyed him. She had destroyed the man she loved. Till this Steve made her admit it she was to coward to admit it to herself but she was in love with Castle. She was still mad at him for breaking her heart last summer but now she had to realize that she had broken his heart too. Than she made up a decision. She stood up and walked out of the bar, before anyone could stop her.

Some time later Castle was woken up the ring of his cell. It was Beckett. He felt tears filling up his eyes, when he heard a knock at the door. A short glance at the clock made him wonder, who would knock at his door that late at night. It couldn't been Martha or Alexis. He hadn't called them yet, he didn't wanted them so see him in the state he was right now.

Rick got up and went to the door, after he declined the call. He was more than surprised to find Beckett on the other side of the door. The looked like shit, just like himself. He could see that she had cried badly. "Kate, what happened."

"I'm sorry", she answered. She tried to reach out for him, but he backed down. "I'm so sorry, Castle." She tried again to touch him, with the same luck as before.

"What happened?"

"I'm so sorry", was her only answer. This time she managed to get hold of his face. She repeated herself again, before attacking his mouth, taking Castle by full surprise.

"Kate", he moaned. He shoved her away. "We can't, I mean, Josh."

"I broke up with him."

"Why?" Castle was confused.

"Your friend Steve called me. He told me about your breakdown, he told me everything. God Castle, I'm so sorry, I was so selfish. I, I was just afraid back then, afraid that we just couldn't work out, that you would lose interest, that you would cheat, that my relationship issues would screw up everything. I turned to Tom because he was safe. It took me a case where nobody told the other one how he really felt and the thread of losing you forever to see, that even with all these problems, with all those fears that there was still the possibility of a positive outcome. That, that it was okay to be happy, something I didn't allow myself after my mom died. I swore that I would live my own life till I brought her justice. Last summer I was ready to break that oath and just to live", she confessed.

"And what about now?"

"Now I'm ready again." They just starred at each other. "Castle, Rick. Just say something. Please, I'm so sorry." Tears began to fill up her eyes gain. "I love you." That was all what it took. Rick couldn't longer control himself. He kissed her, hard. She kissed back. Their tongues fought for dominance, as they walked backwards and closed the front door with Kate's back. Rick pressed her against the door and begin to kiss down her neck. Kate moaned out loud in pleasure. "Martha, Alexis?"

"At the Hamptons", Castle answered, before kissing his way down to her breast. Kate had changed since he left the precinct. After her meeting with Steve she drove home and found Josh there waiting for her. She threw him out and broke up with him. He was confused but she wasn't in the mood to discuss things; she threatened to arrest him and so he left. She changed into a black button down shirt and in way more sexy underwear before she drove to Castle. And this Castle right now opened the first button of the shirt. He got the first glimpse of he black lace bra and her breast. He began to kiss those. Kate moaned again. When he opened another button, she stopped him.

Castle looked at her in surprise. "Say it", she said.

"I love you."

The two kissed again, this time way more tender and loving. Kate gripped his hand and began to led him to his bedroom. "I don't want to be our first time hard and fast against the front door. We'll have plenty enough time for that later." Castle followed her with a bright grin on his face. They spend the next few hours consuming their love. When they woke up the next morning they decided that they never wanted this new status of their relationship to change, at least for now.

**Reviews? Oh yeah and sorry for gramma mistakes, English is not my native tongue. I'm good at speaking it, but when I write I forget sometimes nearly every single gramma rule.**


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